*Editor’s Note: “First Impressions” had an existential crisis and embarked on a personal quest for a new meaning to reinvent itself and so on. From now on this weekly recap shall be reborn as the Hatchet Job! Stay tuned for “First Impressions” return and its countless stories of self discovery and enlightenment and such.


A New ‘Era’ Is Upon Us

We took an insightful stroll with Opeth in their new music video for “Era” where shit gets real. Now I’m not one to be picky on a first date but I was hoping these Swedes would have invited me to a walk among the flowers or a food truck festival but I suppose their proggy charm would suffice. The crispness and mesmerizing imagery will have you drooling with wonder and it will also bring a smile to your face when you see No-Face from Spirited Away slay his cameo.


Cryptopsy Tour

These brootal Canucks along with Metal Sucks will be taking by storm the U.S as the headliners for this year’s Devastation on the Nation Tour. The technical death metallers will begin their rounds on May 19 and will be joined by throughout the tour by Decrepit Birth (5/19-6/4), Rivers of Nihil (5/19-6/4), The Zenith Passage (5/19-6/4), The Kennedy Veil (5/19-5/29), Visceral Disgorge (5/30-6/11), Gloom and Seeker (5/30-6/11). Stay tuned for the dates!



You Can’t ‘Deny’ This Powerful Video

Ugh Metal has had the pleasure of experiencing the intoxicating rawness and gloom of King Woman, and for those that have not been exposed to this doomy quartet, you are missing out. Still think I’m exaggerating? Well, experience the power of their latest music video for “Deny.” For those that have surrendered to Kristina Esfandiari’s hauntingly beautiful vocals, stay tuned for their sophomore album Created in the Image of Suffering out on Feb.24 via Relapse Records.  

Jan. 26

Mastodon FINALLY Put Out

…The deetz on their upcoming album! After trolling and teasing us so much they finally gave in to temptation and unveiled the sick ass artwork and tracklist for Emperor of Sand which will divide and conquer in March 31 via Reprise Records. Speaking of dividing and conquering and debauchery, be sure to catch these colorful Georgians on tour along with Eagles of Death Metal and Russian Circles starting on April 14.

Someone give this man a Gatorade.

Someone give this man a Gatorade. 


Bewitched with the ‘Sultan’s Curse’

Though this may be shaping up to be the unofficial Mastodon edition of this segment, how could I resist sharing this baby!

Kreator Reigns In ‘Totalitarian Terror’

The trilogy comes full circle with this music video. I will miss that horny devil and his Colgate worthy grin. Mad props to Polish production team Grupa 13 for weaving another masterpiece and Kreator for kicking ass. Half-assed acceptance speeches and statements aside, the fun doesn’t have to end! Why, you ask? ‘Cause the generosity of Kreator continues with their release of Gods of Violence which is out today!! Stay tuned for Chuggo’s review on this baby!

WWE’s Wrestling Branch Will Feature Papa Shango’s Band

Only 90’s kids will remember Papa Shango and his WWF days… I sure don’t but that’s okay! Don’t hate me ‘cuz I was too young and beautiful but enough about me, WWE’s NXT Wrestling branch will use ballsy music (in terms of mainstream) in their Pay Per View event “Takeover: San Antonio” on Jan. 27. Papa Shango’s successful project called Ghost [citation needed] will be featured along with Memphis May Fire, Starset and NF. To NXT’s credit, they’ve featured other metal bands in the past such as Motorhead, Halestorm, and Babymetal. According to my intel *cough* Chuggo*cough* what started out as a failed reality TV project, it blossomed into WWE’s fun and badass younger sister.

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