On August 19, Ugh Metal heard about a showdown that was going to take place at the Til-Two Club. Of course, the fools took the opportunity to join in on the action. The “J-Oh-ster” took a rusty bicycle chain and a sock full of pennies and the Klown took some juggling pins from his Railing Bros days and a pair of brass knuckles for added measure. Of course, they felt silly after they realized it was a regular battle of the bands. This misunderstanding was a nice surprise because these fools found a treasure trove of local punk acts AND black metal bowling for those itching for a friendly competition. Stay tuned for the winner of this slobberknocker because we know who won. Let these butt pirates tell you all about it, narrator out!
Chuggo the Klown: Thank you… for nothing, you narrating scum!
Jenny Oh: Who you talking to, tubs!? Did you eat some of Aunt Candelaria’s special rye bread, again?
C: No… Grimace, I didn’t. Stop this inquisition at once or I’ll tell Hamburglar that you done get in his stash of vintage burgers again! Anyway Mr. BigHead, Ugh Metal traveled across the city of Townsville, past the middle of Nowhere to meet up for this one of a kind showdown. This is why we were late for the first half of the battle. Apologies to those bands!
Stalins of Sounds
J: Okay Krumm while you’re on your rye induced trip, all I need is The Stalins of Sounds to fly into a whole new world and give you an “El Cajon Beatdown.” Which I totally would have done if this was really a showdown! *flexes*
C: Sure you would. Just remember you were trying to use your life savings for this fight.
J: Would have been worth every penny too!
C: I’m sure! The Klown can honestly say that he was intrigued by this trio and their sound in general. The best way he could describe it would be how Devo would have sounded like if they blended some punk, and had ditched those hats to don a Mohawk. And just like the rye the Klown ate because it was a “Heavy Dose!”
J: YASSSS! Or a toned, saner and punkier version of Mindless Self Indulgence especially with “Monkeys Attack.” Either way, this sound is everything and who could resist the power of the mighty synth and its wielder David Hurtt? Hurtt was pounding on those keys and dancing away to the beat of this infectious song. We simply couldn’t look away and stop “dancing!”
C: “Oh I See It,” the one thing that the Klown remembered other than the performance was the black metal bowling tourney that was taking place. Incidentally, Los Bertos even paid homage to Saytin with “The Devil Counts Your Steps.”
J: They also made the best song about “Stuff,” which is the perfect song to play when you have to clean your room or when you have to gather your stuff after that inevitable eviction from that mean landlord. Don’t forget to crack open a beer and crank up the fun with “Deep Clean.” That chorus will get you, and make you forget about your troubles, and evictions, and everything in between. Even after you clean up and start over and blast these guys when you find their bandcamp in the new couch you’re crashing, you can’t help the urge of getting down and dirty.
C: The Klown now had the “Will 2 Survive” especially once the Cochinas Locas took the stage after Les Berts.
J: This band of nasty women got up and showed us who’s boss and taught us not to take shit from no one with “I Don’t Think So.” Are we finally boss bishes like them Chuggo?!
C: Not quite but at least we’re “Something Real.” Speaking of which as much as the Klown enjoyed Paloma’s performance, bassist Sarah chimed in by backing Paloma’s vocals with her own screaming vocals for the chorus line.
J: Sarah had that IDGAF attitude and could win any heart over with those cutesy and semi guttural burps that she shared with us. Dude, I think she really liked us! That’s what people do when they like each other right? They burp in front of them right? Right?!
C: Right! She showed everyone that she was in “Control” alongside Paloma and the drummer Leslie. Still the Klown felt a little underwhelmed with the fact that he couldn’t use his instruments of ass destruction.
J: Umm..okay? Anyway, they didn’t quite start a mob scene or compelled anyone to make shitty references to has-been’s such as Brian Warner, because this fresh act is full of life, and promise, and ready to raise some hell one last night with “Fight Song.” Cochinas Locas brought some more grit to their night of glory.
C: Indeed! Check them out here. Now the Klown will talk about a band that took the name that the Klown used for his club in collage! But that will be on the next segment! *Evil laughter, gets struck by lightning*
Stay tuned for Part 2!