In a galaxy far, far away, the Ugh Metal slackers actually published episodes one and two and dressed the grand battle in this third and current episode… actually they wrote! But in this timeline, the losers wrote this epic conclusion in this trilogy FROM THE PAST! OOOH! That’s their story and they are sticking to it.
After episodes one and two, The San Diego House of Blues was under attack and on Comic Con Saturday (July 21)! So all the groggy adults and their Petri dishes…I mean kids, slapped on their rash guards and helmets to defend their front. But before the army of Aqua Cadets met up with the Bat Commander and his Aquabats for their latest mission, everyone got a little Froggy and Fresh.
Jenny Oh: I AM JENNY OH! HEAR ME ROAR! *Snatches the Klown’s beer, takes a big ass gulp* LEMME AT EM!!!
Chuggo the Klown: Simmer down, spaz! You weren’t even an Aqua cadet before it began. The Klown, on the other hand, is a proud cadet and has been for some time. Although it was early for the standards of the Klown’s weekend, he too was ready for battle but first… we got started the way most of us felt on that morning, Froggy Fresh!
J: You’re right Klown, I was more of a Froggy Fresh follower and I didn’t even know it. The moment I saw Froggy Fresh take the stage, I knew I had seen him before…heard him before. He may be a proud member of the short squad too, but he casts a long shadow. Some people call the following song a parody but I call it a battle song! Mortals call that incantation “Haters Wanna Be Me.”
C: The Klown’s been there. Enough about the Klown! It’s time to continue talking about the artist formerly known as Krispy Kreme. Froggy Fresh is so bad, that the Klown wishes he could replace Money Maker Mike so we could be “Best Friends” instead.
J: Aww yes *Sigh* Money Maker Mike where art thou?! That’s ok, his image was present in the music video projection behind Froggy Fresh and his DJ dude. May we someday be as badass as MMM!
C: If only, home slice. If only. Oh well… no sense in these couple of aspiring Gs trying to dwell on something that may never be. After all, the Klown is more concerned about the being a good boy these days. Well… sorta… baby steps! Maybe the Klown will need a set of new kicks for his quest of being a born again boi.
J: You are not tough enough for the “Good Guy Shoes,” Klown. They will consume your pathetic drunk ass, its not for the faint of heart.
C: The Klown is just hoping that wearing those can get him in the “Street Rangers.” The Klown will have to be the blue one because M^3 got red… damn.
J: I will only join the “Street Rangers” if my BFF “Denzel Washington” joins in on the fun! Cuz no one is cooler than Denzel! Did I mention he’s my BFF? Anyway, don’t want to get you all jelly Klown, PSYCHE! I totally do.
C: You? Making the Klown jealous? Ha! As if. The Klown is already “The Baddest.” Speaking of bad, Froggy wasn’t afraid of bringing “Christmas” in July. Specially since it was dedicated to the leader and other members, like himself, of the Cena-nation.
J: And you know Froggy Fresh also taught us a timeless dance move that will wow everyone at the next big shindig and will win over the object of your affections. It’s a dance move that looks simple but requires finesse, have you ever heard of the “Fish Outta Water?”
C: No… but apparently it was made for the non-dancers, ballahs, and all you have to do is swim! But the Klown along with the rest of his peons were told why James was crying. Why was James crying?
J: Because he didn’t get his Dunkin’ Donuts and got “Dunked On” instead, we ain’t even lying! Pathetic. We laughed, we watched James cry, and we danced with Froggy Fresh but duty called! We needed to suit up and join the Bat Commander.
C: Ah yes, the MC Bat Commander. The supreme leader of the Aquabats! Up until that moment the Klown had no idea how much of a Froggy Fresh fan the Commander was, mind boggling!
J: We all knew it was go time when we heard the “Aquabats Super Show” theme song. The House of Blues soon became the headquarters but before we hopped in to the BattleTram, we all joined the ruthless ranks of “The Shark Fighter!”
C: Indeed, Chewbacca’s shorter stunt double! The Klown is glad that he partook in the shark fighting. After all there was a merit to it, and aside from being a hero for our young metalheads and punks, the Klown scored! He got himself a “Martian Girl!” Wowo wowowo!
J: I know, poor“Martian Girl” must have been crazy to settle for a sad and off brand Krusty the Clown! But “The Legend Is True” everyone, hell will now freeze over! But not everything was a lovey dovey delusion, we had a bone to pick with the “Cat With 2 Heads!” This pussy was ready to tear us apart.
C: Nah… The Klown grabbed it before it did any damage. And no this wasn’t “In My Dreams!” Still they sang about the Klown’s other favorite day. Aside from Thirsty Thursdays that is.
J: “Pizza Day!” of course! What better way to get us all up and running then this beautiful homage to the baked cheesy concoction our waist line hates the most. But this Saturday morning was extra special and intriguing because an icon barged on stage and challenged the Aquabats to a duel. It was the battle of the century! Bready Mercury vs. the Aquabats! Place your bets!
C: Yeah, he seemed to have the Bat Commander, Crash McLarson and Jimmy the Robot under pressure and looking down at them… looking down. His wads of bread would have caused him to have either member bite the dust… and with such showmanship and charisma!
J: And don’t forget about his fine skin-tight silver unitard! Remind me to pick one up before we go in to our next battle. After the eccentric Bready Mercury and his mutant animal minions were vanquished, we all celebrated with the anthem “Super Rad” and we even had a fun little battle of the sexes with “Hey Homies!” Of course, us ladies won this battle because we’re the best!
C: You think you were the best? That’s fine. The Klown knows he’s “Super Rad!” Tell your mom, tell your dad that the Klown is super rad! Even more rad was the fact that the Bat Commander defied nature and the forecast with “Burger Rain!”
J: *Munches on edible mystery delicacy* YEAH! And what better way to end this mission with a “Pool Party,” it was a trillion degrees after all. I tried to collect the beach balls but no luck this time, someday I will catch em all!
C: The only thing you caught was the hysteria. The Klown on the other hand was lucky to catch Eaglebones Falconhawk’s guitar pick! The Klown’s a winner! A great way to finish this three part saga in the San Diego Comic Con weekend.
J:. The final reward was much sweeter than their army could have imagined, the crime fighting collective announced a Kickstarter campaign to fund a new season and a new album or two or even three!… Which closed on Sept.1 (Sorry guys 🙁 ) BUT you can still pledge and get some sweet swag here. To commemorate this victorious day, the Aquabats took a group photo with their faithful cadets right outside the venue. Two headed cats and Bready Mercury beware! San Diego lived to see another day, what a great way to conclude this belated Ugh Metal Super Show: Comic Con edition!