Editor’s note: In the spirit of March madness, we had decided to halt our ramblings, fight off the curve balls life threw at us a lá Matrix , and dodged all those sweaty balls life attempted to shove in our faces. Much like Snape did in that Star Trek movie, we prevailed! So without further ado…..

March 2

Andrew W.K Wants To Remind You ‘You’re Not Alone’

Feeling warm and fuzzy when you hear the name Andrew W.K? So do I, man! And I bet you will feel all sorts of gumdrops and rainbow within the republic of *insert your name here* after you listen to the King of party’s latest You’re Not Alone which was released via Sony Entertainment. This is Andrew W.K’s first record in nine years and if you think he is done partying and motivating the shit outta you, well then you just don’t get the art of partying, do you?

You will suit up for this life changing journey and will dive head first with the ultra epic musical intro “The Power Of Party” before the king of party unleashes the radiant “Music Is Worth Living For.” The J-Ohster’s favorite track, “Ever Again” is sure to finally make you conquer that steep hill to that awesome taco shop you’ve been wanting to go to and then some. Andrew W.K makes “Give Up On You” extra special by adding a chorus-like touch to his vocals and has a handy axe because you can’t go wrong with those two.     

Andrew W.K knows we are starving for a nice motivational pick me up before we start this another day in this thing called life so he inserts a deep and empowering  motivational speech called “The Feeling of Being Alive” which are recurring and nice little features he adds throughout the album (listen to “In Your Darkest Moments,” Nosferatu). The king of party mixes his piano skills with the rest of the instrumental ensemble in “Beyond Oblivion” and will continue to make you feel all sorts of things and bursting with more positivity.

The albums ends with its upbeat title track and even before the album is over, you will feel like a new person ‘cause metalheads need motivation too! Andrew W.K. is determined to change your  outlook on your meh-some life with this motivational album. Even though the party master had been gone for a while time did not slow him down! Are you ready to believe and party? Well then listen to the whole album on Spotify and get your copy here.       

6 out of 6, Party On!

We Descend With Sixes’s  Methistopheles

Things are about to get sludgy and doomy just the way you like it baby! So take off them mud boots and put on Sixes’s latest Methistopheles which shot straight outta Black Bow Records. This doom squad from SoCal will slowly take us in to a deeper, and darker sublevel and… no, no! For once, I’m not talking about all those side jobs and unmentionable things you are doing to pay off that student loan.    

Sixes will make you tremble, make you weak in the knees, and ultimately praise the tar black “Acid God.” Stephen Cummmings’s anguished cries and growls mixed with the warped riffs produced by Hannes Bogacs adds that extra oomph of dread making this track omnipotent. Not a bad way to clinch you in if you ask me!

The slow burning “A Cross To Burn” will simmer in your ears while “Fogbreather” will crawl to your feet and slowly consume you with Cummings’s composed and tactful screams. Our mommy issues will appreciate “Motherless” not because of the title, ya psycho! But because what better song to convey that guttural longing to be loved and supported and..you get what I mean. You’ll all just have to wait for my autobiography to drop on Feb.35, but in the meantime check out this unofficial theme song.   

Sixes keeps the spirit of suspense alive and master it in the title track because even though “Methistopheles” slowly pulls its way out of its doomy dark hole, its will gather its strength, and unload its fury on to your ears in a series of unprecedented wave. The fun thing about this track is that amidst its fast paced wrath, it feels like an old school atmospheric black metal track till its doomy foundation shines again! Major props to drummer Dustin Daniels for keeping that bullet speed tempo going!

Methistopheles is a dark and calculating mofo that will drag you in to realm and presumably roast some weenies while blasting this records. The quartet shows a great range of versatility and a darker and diverse shade of doom that not everyone can pull off. You ready to reach out and touch this record? Well listen to it and get your copy in their bandcamp and once you’re done headbanging with these demon, give Sixes a like.

5 out 6, Hell yeah


March 9

Judas Priest Still got the Powahhh!

The metal legends unleashed their weapon of mass destruction and are sure to conquer any terrain and ear with their 18th studio album Firepower which was released via Sony Music Entertainment. How will Judas Priest wow us this time around? Will they wow us this time around, let’s take a plunge in to this album!

The title track will fire up your excitement over this album not just because the song is awesome but also because the Priest still know how run at a million miles per hour so damn well. No! That is not an old person joke, but a sincere admiration from the gut. They are legends for a reason! Hell, your heart might be racing much faster than Scott Travis’s rapid drumming and might just stop when Glenn Tipton and Richie Faulkner step in with their unforgettable riffs. Gets us all the time *wipes tears away.* “Lightning Strike,” “Rise From Ruins” and one of the J-Ohster’s favorite tracks “Never The Heroes” all have a glorious touch of epicness.

Judas Priest has a hefty collection of tracks that will shove you back to the 80’s such as the lit “Flame Thrower,”   “Necromancer,” which is another track the J-Ohster grew fond of and “Evil Never Dies” in which Rob Halford throws in his signature high pitched battle cry! You gotta love his cry though *wipes more tears away.* These are happy tears.   

The album concludes on a slower and touching note with “Sea of Red.” Even though this track is tamer than their previous tracks, it doesn’t mean that Glenn Tipton and Richie Faulkner were gonna hold back and a fun fact about this song is that the J-Ohster REALLY digs it, hey the J-Ohster has feels too…sometimes. This album will appease fans AND casual metalheads because the Priest still got it going on and pumped out an addictive album! Long live the ‘Priest’! Listen to the whole album on Spotify and get your album here!

6 out of 6, Praise the ‘Priest’!

Tzimani Teases With Debut EP

Did you seriously think local rock stars and First Impression alumni Tzimani were gonna take it easy this year? Then you were wrong my friend! Days before the duo hit the road to conquer the States, they released their self titled EP via Noize Cartel Records. The five track EP not only features their catchy hits in their demo but it also showcases three new songs!

After vocalist/guitarist Eddie Vazquez lays down his frenzy of distorted riffs in their intro “Shift,” Tzimani speed in to “Overdrive” where drummer Sebastian Vazquez joins his bro soon after,  turning this song in to a memorable journey! There’s also a nice and high battle cry from Eddie at the end that will pump you up for the next track.

The brothers crank up the heat with the mischievous and free spirited “Locomotive” which will make you un poco loco, in a good way 😉 The latest song Tzimani debuts in this EP is the epic “We Are The Ones” which will recharge you with a sense of wonder and will motivate you to fulfill your destiny of awesomeness.

This was only an EP, can you imagine how their full length will be like? This nice little teaser will have your speed demon wanting more. If you wanna hit the road with this EP on full blast get your copy here AND I dare you to hit that Play button yet again, that’s right, I saw you. And you have you even seen them live?! Read about it here too. 😉     

5 out 6, Speed demon approved

Ministry’s Ameriwuuuuuuh?

At long last, Unkle Al Jourgensen brought the boys back and reassembled Ministry AND released their highly anticipated album AmeriKKKant through Nuclear Blast Records. This record and Unkle Al have ALOT to say about our muthaland and they have every intention of showing us their portrayal of this interesting new time we live in. This is gonna be a wild and bizarro ride but will it be worth every mile? Hang on to your under bloomers ‘cause it’s gonna get cray.

Ministry will catapult you into the seemingly endless intro/rabbit hole of atmospheric and distorted sounds in “I Know Words,” which is beautifully complimented by sound bits and inspirational quotes from our current commander in chief. We take a trip into the “Twilight Zone,” and if you would like to walk deeper into the muthaland, take a distorted trip in to “AmeriKKKant.”  

“Wargasm” and “Antifa” will make you tap into your Oh-face especially for die hards because it sounds recaptures their classical sounds. “Victims Of A Clown,” and no this is not a love song to my drunkard brother the Klown, features the same recurring features in this album which is the sound bites from politicians spewing stuff and it has a catchy little guest appearance from the fiddle.There are many more tracks, obvi, however it seems the J-Ohster was left a it dazed and can;t seem to recollect much more than that. I still love you, Unkle Al. Damn! I just kissed goodbye all of my potential Christmas presents from my Unkle.

Ministry delivered a solid record and though yours truly enjoyed it, there was something missing. Even though Unkle Al and Ministry worked really hard to produce this baby and offered us a fresh batch of songs, none of them stood out the J-Ohster. Don’t let my snobishness tomfoolery get to ya kids! Checkout the entire album on Spotify and see how you feel about this soundtrack about the muthaland and get your copy here. And because I love my Unkle and want my presents, see how we celebrated X-Mas in July last year here.

3 out of 6, aMEHrican

March 16

Are You Ready For Gygax’s Sequel?

Yours truly was feeling quite lucky and has placed ALL her bets on stoner rockers Gygax. Why Gygax? Because how could one say nah to a band with a cool name and how could anyone not wonder how their sophomore album 2nd Edition sounds like? The quartet rolled out their latest through Creator-Destructor Records and this second spawn of theirs is determined to make you have a great time.

We are feeling lucky AF with “Dice Throwers & Rock N’ Rollers” “The Lascivious Underdark” which will seduce you with its sweet words and melodies and… Damn there you go catching them feels again. The fluttering and feel good “Pure Hearts” will warm you up as fast as your secret stash of brandy you have hidden in your desk at work. “O Ryant-Nocturne of Negligence” is a nice little instrumental piece that will chill you out, but if you want that extra jerk of festivity “Song of the Silverhands” is guaranteed to throw confetti and poppers!

The album may wind things down with their lovesick and penultimate track “Heavy Meddle” but Gygax ain’t about that life and soar high with the infectious “Second Wind.” 2nd Edition is the fun sequel you didn’t know you wanted, and will give you songs that convey the highs and lows of life and everything in between. These dudes will guarantee a good time! If you are ready to partaay harder than Spongebob, then check out the album on Spotify and dont be a stiff and get your copy here!

5 Out of 6, We’re having a good time, we’re having a good time!!!!

Jörmungand Will Conquer Any ‘Welt’

We join the German vikings known as Jörmungand and we march head on in to their sophomore album Zwischenwelten (Between Worlds) which was released independently. This ruthless record has its sights set on your delectable worn out ears and will win them over effortlessly. 

Jörmungand begin this ruthless conquest with the atmospheric “…und Es Wird Tag” before “Morgenrot” shines its light on our decrepit ears and gives us more of that delicious fusion of pagan and black metal…yum!!! *hits replay, head bangs* Can you tell the J -Ohster dug this track?! Vocalist Stef does a superb combination of growls and whispers in “Werdegänger” that will give you all sorts of chills and thrills. Who am I kidding?! Stef’s vocals SLAY throughout the album and lest we forget the rest of ruthless warriors in Jörmungand.    

“In Hallen Stummer Worten”  is an epic instrumental piece fit for a king of for your next trip to Mordor. Now that we are on the subject of your next trip, the appropriately titled “Neumond” will feed your travel bug with its wanderlust harmony before the rough crescendo, courtesy of the ensemble, drags you into the darkest recesses of this new land you didn’t know you wanted to go to. The album ends in high note with “Requiem,” and next thing you know the album is sadly over.

Jörmungand is a force to be reckoned and will prove it with their newer and rougher sound. The band injected a higher dosage of traditional black metal in to their pagan metal brand in this installment, and it works phenomenally making them an act to remember. Submit and indulge in Zwischenwelten and get your copy in their here if you think you are up for a fresh conquest and once you fall in love with their stuff tell them how much you loved it on their Facebook page!

6 out 6, PROST!

Stone Temple Pilots Are Locked And Loaded

These grunge legends don;t need an intro but all I can say is they weren’t just gonna stay in the deep slumber of past and iconic bands. Stone Temple Pilots fired up their engines and released their 7th and self titled studio album through Atlantic Records and it will give you all kinds of chills and take you back to your youth. Not because it has magical powers, that we know of, but because you would think the late great Scott Weiland is on vocal duties in this one.

STP kick off this new chapter with the upbeat “Middle Of Nowhere” and it’s IDGAF attitude is something that can inspire all of us to adopt that when we are in the middle of nowhere, literally. Another track that can go hand in hand with the first one is “Six Eight” because there it is, standing under the desert sky with its shades…at night! We carry on with our coolest bedazzled shades and hit the road with their hit “Meadow” and we never knew feeling “Guilty” sounded so damn good, well when STP sings about it that is.    

“Thought She’d Be Mine” and “Finest Hour” are those brooding ballads STP know how to craft so well. Not much of a ballad person? No prob, “Roll me Under” will get in your face just enough to want to see its frustrated and desperate gaze before it bulldozes you with its riffy and fast paced beat. Vocalist Jeff Gutt sounds like Weiland incarnate and hits every note right to the T!

This album sounded very much like an STP record and thought its extremely enjoyable yours truly is extremely curious to see how Gutt will make this his own on the next one. No! Not bashing this album! Make no mistake, this album hit the spot and perhaps maybe you can see how many spots it can hit you too! Listen to the whole album on Spotify and get your copy here!

4 out 6, Worked up!

March 23

Memoriam Is Far From ‘Silent’ In Their Follow Up

The metal titans in Memoriam continue to be on a roll and release their follow up to their 2017 full length debut. Their sophomore album The Silent Vigil parades its way out of Nuclear Blast Records and has sharper tinge than their debut. These legends crank up their rabid death metal decibel in this new album and shows us how it’s done.

Memoriam starts this Vigil with an ode to the Ugh Metal staff titled “Soulless Parasite” and we couldn’t be more flattered. Our death metal ode is then brilliantly followed by “Nothing Remains” which rolls out the blood red carpet and makes a grand entrance thanks to Scott Fairfax’s swift riffs and the lightning fast tempo from Andrew Whale. This track and is sure to be a pit favorite along with “The New Dark Ages.”

Memoriam continue to light our ears on fire with “From The Flames,” and the bonus about this track is that Fairfax delivers a nice dominant riff that will give you chills before the calculated tempos roll out again much like “As Bridges Burn.” The album concludes with “Weaponized Fear” which will consume your ears at a steady pace that will fill you with excitement rather than fear.      

Memoriam deliver a great follow up in under a year and has a little more attitude than their debut LP. These legends are an unstoppable force and Karl Willetts continues to add an extra drop of malice with his thick and deep vocals to this refined version of death metal. Experience this album in its entirety on Spotify and get your copy here.  

6 out 6, Loud enough to raise the dead

Crisix Vs. ‘The Odds’

Crisix are determined to beat any hurdle that comes their way with their 4th installment titled Against The Odds  which was released via Listenable Records. This badass mofo of a record is not foolin’ around and neither is this this band’s hunger for domination through thrash.  

The quintet begin this new conquest by giving us a new song that will be stuck in our heads titled “Get Out Of My Head,” which will make your heart and head race after this song compels you to start a pit of your own. Crisix beat any odds with “Perseverance” because this song bleeds this trait and is sure to inject you with this set of mind. Because I know you will have your engines running, you will be ready to receive the brutal “Leave Your God Behind.”

Crisix praised the north and the king who lost his head on his way to the iron throne in “The North Remembers.” This ferocious homage to the ruthless game of thrones we can’t get enough of is something HBO should totally consider playing in the final scene, just saying.  The “Prince of Saiyans” will make its regal and graceful entrance right before stripping off its silks and reveals its sick battle vest.

The quintet will show any nay sayer just how Spain cooks up their thrash metal and its marvelous. Against The Odds will have you hitting that reply button and if this is your first time exploring Crisix, you will diving headfirst into the rest of their glorious material. If you are a die hard thrasher, these are your guys! You can listen to their album on their label’s bandcamp and buy there too!

6 out of 6, KO!

We Follow Pestifera In To The Unknown In ‘Ouroboros’

We go deeper and darker with German black metallers Pestifera and their debut LP Ouroboros which was released through Look! Mum! No Hit Records ( this is not a joke, but we approve of this name!). This record may only have 6 songs but damn, this track will be a testament of quality over quantity…hold on! Let me slow down and let me tell ya why this album is cool.

We follow the quartet in to the darkest parts of the forest to conjure up some serious magick in “Apotheostasy” before giving way to “Arise.” The power that “Arise” will have over you is sure to lure you deeper in to this album if you were feeling a little uncertain. Feel the doubts melt away my pretty! If you say you didn’t feel any tingles after hearing that track, you don’t know what love is.

The title track ”Ouroboros” and “Deathmerize” are teeming with a freazy of thick growls, chants a lá Behemoth, courtesy of vocalist/guitarist Pestifer. The Track is all the more mesmerizing with the suspense building of steady tempos from drummer Skral and more riffs from the elusive guitarist D.V. and bassist D.S. If you think Pestifera will leave quietly, you have another thing coming! The quintet show off their brutal “Stigmata Wounds” as a parting gift that you will not forget.

Pestifera gave us a strong record with 6 memorable songs and is sure to appease black metal aficionados near and far. Not bad for a debut full length! We can’t wait to see what other type of magick they’ll conjure up next! Listen to the whole album on Spotify and if you can’t get enough of them, check out their bandcamp and listen to their awesome 2011 EP Evoking Bolon Yokte. Before you ask, I got ya, buy their album in major platforms or their label’s site!

6 out 6, Magick

The Sword Serenade Our ‘Used Future’

Leave it to The Sword to add some grooviness to our Used Future, literally and figuratively of course. Okay more literally because that’s the name of their lucky number 7th studio album silly! Used Future was released through Razor and Tie Records and

The album starts with an calm instrumental piece called “Prelude” that will be ideal when you cross over into the future and beyond! And BAM! The momentum building drum tempo from Santiago Vella III will greet you once you wiggle your way out of that wormhole and soon after J.D. Cronise belts out  “Deadly Nightshade” with the rest of the band chiming in with their instrumentals, it’ll make you wild!

The instrumental “Nocturne” and the follow up “Don’t Get Too Comfortable,” and “Twilight Sunrise” will be your very best companion on your midnight ride around the city.The title track is not a downer! On the contrary, its a track that not only is the coolest song you will hear but it oozes a with a satisfaction and suaveness a wise mofo would have.

The “Book Of Thothe” will flip its pages wide open and swallow you whole like all good books do, you just wait till you hear that amazing riffy wave embedded into that chorus. The album finishes like it started, with the same chill instrumental track only this final one is called “Reprise” that will be ideal when you are soaring high above the clouds and.. OH MY GOSH! GET DOWN FROM THERE! Not literally, you dingus! Man! I know this album is good and all but just please listen to this album safely at Spotify and when you can’t get enough get your copy here.

5 out 6, The Future is bright!      

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