The Quest At The Q: Vans Warped Tour Pt.2

GWAR hath cometh to slay us all!

*Editor’s note:

 Dear security,

Thanks for saying “Fuck you!” to the heat, staying sharp throughout the day, for being rad, and protecting all of our sorry asses. Extra points for those that enjoyed the shows but stayed alert and chatted with us. We love you long time k!

Sincerely,

The enthusiastic hooligans/fans XOXO*

Previously on our quest in the Q, we got fucked up by Municipal Waste while we started a punk “Revolution” while making a trip down to “Mexico” where we had three margaritas and a taco before doing that quasi mosh fighting alongside the mighty Candiria. Now that the dust had settled, Jenny Oh was searching for the best spot on the rail for the GWAR show while Chuggo was sulking because he missed his first future ex-wife’s performance. Wait what? You don’t know what the hell we’re talking about? I guess you should read part 1 then huh, buddy?

Jenny Oh: Future ex- wife? First? What are you blubbering about Klown?

Chuggo the Klown: Okay, first of all you are over exaggerating. It’s future ex- girlfriend! Who happens to be New Years Day’s, Ash Costello.

J: Oh man, not this again. *massages temples*

C: Secondly, as for the next future ex-wife, we’ll get there when we get there. At least I already have a future plan with my future relationships instead of you and Shane West!

J: You leave Shane West out of this you loser! Now enough about our respective allures and more about…..

Emmure

No vape or Mutant was spared in Emmure’s set

C: Very well sibling o’ mine! We shall discuss more about your future sister in laws some other time. Now let’s talk about Frankie Palmieri and his…

J: THE CLAW! He seems to have been chosen to stir the young and lively masses circling under the sun. Palmieri wasted no time or Red Bull…

C: Uhh you mean Mutant? *whispers* You wanna get sued again?!

J: Oh! Umm…yeah. No Mutant was spared … we didn’t get to have any but I’m glad Palmieri and his faithful fans did… because “You Asked For It” Emmure started with this intro track that hyped up every vape in that pit.

C: Yeah apparently he started his set by stating that he was a “Shinjuku Masterlord,” and then things got “Smokey.”

J: The slow burning “Torch” caused a choreography of head bopping while he moved around the stage. That man was bursting with energy!

C: Speaking of fire, Emmure sang the most metal song of their set “Flag of the Beast.” Most importantly, the Klown has to give credit where credit is due. Palmieri really knows how to get his fans going and has the charisma to back it up. Major props to guitarist Joshua Travis, he is an unpredictable force of nature. When Travis wasn’t strumming his killer riffs, he was kicking major ass through interaction.

J: Yes, yours truly is not an Emmure fan at all but it was a fun experience watching them. Travis’s playful interactions with bassist Phil Lockett and their fan acknowledgement were entertaining as hell.

Hatebreed

And remember…DESTROY EVERYTHING!

C: As much as the Klown had fun watching the string duo of Emmure kicking ass, the Klown was fortunate to see the embodiment of ass kicking once again and next door.

J: Jamey Jasta and company never let anything get in their way to kick some ass! Not the heat, not the shortened time set not nothing! They cut the foreplay and laid it all on us with their hits “To The Threshold” and “Destroy Everything.” *sigh* Those take me way back.

C: Heck yes, Jasta took the Klown to a special therapeutic place in his mind once “Looking Down The Barrel of Today” started. The Klown knew then what was going to take place and immediately identified the song once Frank Novinec’s opening riffs began. This gave this sack of sleaze goosebumps.

J: Gee willikers old man Klown! You didn’t need expired cough syrup to go to your therapeutic state this time?! What progress! And you know what, Hatebreed were not only crisper than ever, but they gave the sunburned crowd more reasons to breathe and succeeded with the motivational anthem “In Ashes They Shall Reap.” How else would we find the motivation to find the freshest nachos in town without this song?

C: I dunno, “J-Oh-ster” we haven’t gotten any nachos in a while. In fact Jasta capped off his performance with the lack of nachos and the driving force behind the Klown, “Driven By Suffering.” It truly was a spectacular moment since it has been years since the Klown has seen Hatebreed in San Diego. The difference being that this time around, it was more metal: in the beating hot summer sun, a bigger, younger, and energetic crowd and lest the Klown forget the pit it garnered.

J: We may not have been in the close proximity of these badasses for the sake of securing our spot on the rail for the wet and wild adventure awaiting us, but damn! Just damn. It was amazing to see Jasta, his bandana and the rest of Hatebreed kick major ass. Though their set was obviously short, they didn’t let that deter their showmanship. Till next time Hatebreed! After Hatebreed we came down with a brutal new strain…

The Acacia Strain

We came down with a strain…The Acacia Strain!

J: And straight from Massachusetts…well actually they were on the road in the Warped Tour but that’s beside the point. The point was that even though I wasn’t foaming at the mouth and counting down the hours to see them, I was heavily intrigued. I wanted to see Adam Sandler’s younger brother’s band since one of them had to taste success and relevancy. Amirite Klown?

C: Ugh… again with this Adam Sandler comparison!? He looks like Bob Clendenin… a younger and tatted up version of him. Enough of this image comparison, and on with the performance because it was quite unique and rather fun.

J: Yes enough about people we don’t know! Vincent Bennett, AKA Adam Sandler’s successful lil bro, did the impossible.

C: Call Guinness boys and girls! He demanded the world’s smallest pit, a pit for ants, an oompa loompa smash…

J: Are you done yet?

C: Almost…A Chihuahua showdown! A….

J: Anyway, the crowd delivered! Bennett demanded that the smallest pit encircled two dudes in the center of the pit, it’s worth noting that one of them was wearing a neat straw hat.

C: Another one got his ass handed!

J: No he din’t!

C: I see you picking up the kids lingo! The Klown will admit he liked Bennett’s chemistry and showmanship. He interacted with the crowd and…

J: HE WAS FUCKING FUNNY! *Laughs* He didn’t take himself seriously, ‘cause come on man we were all having a good time…minus the heat and dehydration.

C: You can say he killed it, and we were on time for a burial….get it?!

After The Burial

We made it in time for After the Burial…

J: We didn’t know we were bearing witness to their final tour of this year. After The Burial vocalist Anthony Notarmazo announced that they would be taking a long break after the Warped Tour, which has been a while as of now. They unloaded “Lost in the Static” to get this party rolling.

C: Yeah, the Klown believes that the 8-string guitarist Trent Hafdahl was the spectacle of that time, especially his color coded guitar arsenal!

J: Now that After The Burial were here in our home turf, they paid homage to our hell hound, Brydoh, and performed the “Berzerker.” She will be pleased when she goes in berserker mode!

C: Yes, it would have given her some further “Aspiration” to be the berserker had she heard it. But the Klown sometimes sees her as “A Wolf Amongst Ravens” especially when she goes in to her epic beast mode!

J: You know what surely set the pit in beast mode? Not that it needed to be poked and prodded any further, “Anti-Pattern.” Dan Carle took us all the way to pound town, literally, with that sweet drum intro before unleashing the beast. Now that we’re in the subject of beasts, the sun was setting in planet Earth and was rising in Planet Home!

GWAR

GWAR busted out the big gun.

C: Yeah… Earth… “Fuck This Place!” Oderus left us stranded on this world of pus!

J: But at least he left us Blothar and the rest of the GWAR ghouls so that we may blissfully suffer together for all of our natural lives! The drought was finally over and so they began their ritual by sacrificing a plastic emo-man child and gave us a bloodbath with the instant classic “Sadam A-Go-Go.”

C: Pustulus Maximus joined in on the fun and briefly overshadowed Blothar. Especially with his incomplete dick joke… it was too long!

J: *dumb dumb dumb* Pustulus didn’t need to sway us with his dick jokes or his hilarious vet joke… that I forgot about, he had already won us over earlier in the day. We got give him a bro shake and hug their human slave which for legal purposes they call roadies. We had already established a connection with him man. A connection the GWAR virgins in the crowd, didn’t have! WE WERE SPECIAL. Oh and they got us all wet again by the way, making the parking lot look like a “Genocide.”

Move over McGregor and Mayweather, Bonesnapper vs. Sawborg Destructo is the new fight of the galaxy!

C: Yes, the Klown too accomplished that. In fact, his white GWAR tee got to pregame during that moment! After all, we stuck out like sore thumbs in the sea of GWAR virgins especially the ones who seemed confused by our moment. Speaking of bloodbath aside from getting a courtesy bloodbath from the Scumdogs from Planet Home, The Klown wanted blood…

J: YOU GOT IT! *shakes red Faygo soda and splashes the Klown with it*

C: What the hell… we went to GWAR not an ICP show, you fool!

J: Shut up Klown! Sing me a bad rap song!

C: Speaking of clowns, the Klown had wondered how America’s first clown president’s blood would look like, he just wasn’t expecting an explosion of orange displeasure to come out. But it was still a treat to see the commander –in-chief pay us a visit during the show. The Klown didn’t know he was a fan of GWAR.

The crowd rejoiced when the clown Prez joined the Scumdogs of the universe on stage! Who said our prez wasn’t cool?!

J: After sacrificing the clown Prez and bathing us in his orange blood and zapping us with their green gun o’doom, the Scumdogs took a bow with this unforgettable AC/DC cover. We looked prettyful with ALL the colors of the bloody rainbow and thus creating a strange parallel of bohabs and regular peeps as we waddled away after this unforgettable performance. Can’t wait to catch them at the House of Blues again on Nov. 21! Stay metal Warped Tour! And till next time …or not? *DUN DUN DUN*

Fin?

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